Pause for thought

Someone once said that gardeners find it difficult to just sit in their gardens and contemplate their surroundings because they can’t help spotting something that needs to be done, and they have to go and fix it. Until recently, I was probably a bit like that, frequently jumping up to pull up a weed or deadhead a flower or move a pot to catch the sun better.

However, a couple of years ago I started to notice that I was having to sit down and rest much more while gardening. It wasn’t entirely a bad thing. I started to spend more time sitting on the bench at the bottom of the garden just listening to the birds, breathing deeply and searching the air for the drifting scents of lilac, acacia, cyclamen or skimmia, or the fig tree after rain.

It has taken a long time to pin down the source of my fatigue and low mood. I initially thought it was related to anxiety and grief when my mother got sick and passed away. Doctors also suggested it might be related to a physical condition I’ve been grappling with myself. But it gradually started to dawn on me that my mysterious feelings of tiredness and ‘not being myself’ could actually be related to the menopause.

Full marks to the BBC for its recent coverage of the menopause. It has clarified a lot for me, and while I haven’t got a formal diagnosis yet, I’m certain that I am at least peri-menopausal. I feel empowered and freed by that self-diagnosis.

So how does this relate to gardening? First of all, I’m afraid to say, I’ve been working in the garden a lot less than I used to. This is partly related to the fact that we are planning to move house, so there is no point in introducing new things into the garden or starting off new projects. But it’s also partly related to the fact that I don’t have much imagination or desire to do new projects, a condition I have attributed to the menopause, as it’s not like me at all!

On the other hand, I’m fortunate that a lot of earlier projects are now coming to fruition, and so my contemplative sessions seated on the garden bench are full of wonder and fascination (and yes, a bit of pride, too), while also being a time for rejuvenation.

Most of all, the garden is a restful place to be. When I’m feeling tired or my mood is low, or I have a mental block (something that isn’t solely attributable to the menopause!), I can go out with a cup of tea, realign my thoughts and replenish low energy. Just being among plants and trees and looking at greenery is known to be rejuvenating, as recent interest in the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku (or ‘forest bathing’) has reminded us. Sitting and watching the birds, as they feed from the feeders or hop around the climbing plants and woodpiles looking for insects, is also an immensely distracting and restful activity, while birdsong lifts the spirits like nothing else.

Introducing the climbing plants that the birds love so much has itself been a successful project. It’s difficult to predict the success of a plant when you introduce it, and climbers may take a couple of years to establish themselves, while often looking quite leggy at the start as they strive to reach out as far as they can. But after a couple of years, our fences are covered with a mass of foliage, with evergreen clematis, honeysuckle, jasmine and large- and small-leaved ivy. Other projects include the rockery and the ‘stumpery’, both of which started off with a scattering of plants with large spaces between them, but have now filled out quite a lot and look well established and a little wild – exactly the look I was going for. They are also quite low maintenance, as the ground-covering plants suppress the weeds – perfect if you’re not feeling so energetic!

Experts advise women going through the menopause to exercise as much as they can. I walk a lot, and I do go to the gym and try to run as much as possible, but motivation remains a challenge on my low days. At those times, the garden still calls out for attention here and there, drawing me in to activities that offer gentle exercise at a minimum, and frequently end up being quite energetic – such as hoeing, weeding, transplanting and moving pots around!

I like to think of the ‘menopause’ simply as a ‘pause’ – it’s a time for reflection and a time to think about the next phase of life. (The Japanese apparently call it the ‘second Spring’.) As the BBC coverage reminded us, women going through the menopause are often at the top of their game. They are suddenly faced with a fundamental change in their sense of well-being, while – in many cases – not only caring for growing families and elderly parents, but also managing demanding and responsible jobs.

We all experience the menopause differently, but we can all see it as a time to pause and reflect. The nature around us (in the garden or elsewhere) can help us to do that and to think deeply about what is most important in our lives and where we see the next phase taking us.